Hollow Orc Boastings

The Complete Book of Dwarves

2nd Ed. Players Handbook - TSR inc.

Malakar the Orc

"Us orcz iz 'ard. But dem stunty dwarvez iz 'ard, too. Much 'arder den elves 'n' oomans. Dey digz into dem 'oles wot dey gotz, and fill 'em wif trapz 'n' hurty stuffz. Dey gotz loadz of twisty tunnelz wif big irin gatez and fingz wot fall on yer 'n squash yer flat.

We is bestest at nickin der 'oles from 'em. We gotz lotz, much more den wot you can count of two 'ands. Orcz are right 'ard. We killz dwarfzez, cook 'em, eat 'em, 'n' den use der beardz for bedz. We'z take der gold too, dey gotz lotz.

I 'eard of a place wot gotz both stunties 'n' orcz in it. Big, 'uge place it iz, wif lotz and lotz of tunnelz. Orcz gotz one 'alf, stuntiez gotz da udder 'alf. Fight'n all da timez. Ain't many stuntiez left dere, dem bin done for by da orcz. Dem allz be dead zoon, but ain't it 'alf great of 'em to build uz da strongholdz!"

(I'm completely amazed that this conversation was actually put down in writing. Who in their right mind would even consider talking to an Orc. I couldn't even contemplate being in the same room with an Orc without having to wipe his greasy brains off my Battle Axe afterwards.)